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  • 弟子規夏令營 | 傳統文化公益論壇 | 中華經典 | 弟子規網 | 公益網

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    對孩子不能溺愛而重利輕義

    時間:2012-05-19 21:40來源:中國弟子規網 作者:弟子規 點擊:
    蔡禮旭老師 你看我們大人在哪個時候特別容易答應小孩?考試考得好。這個答案很好,很真實。當考試考得好的時候都可以要東西。所以孩子讀書的目的在哪?這無形當中,當我們在承

    蔡禮旭老師

     
        你看我們大人在哪個時候特別容易答應小孩?考試考得好。這個答案很好,很真實。當考試考得好的時候都可以要東西。所以孩子讀書的目的在哪?這無形當中,當我們在承諾孩子給他東西,已經在長養他的虛榮心,已經在讓他的讀書目的偏頗。

      所以現在小學考試考得好,可以怎么樣?可以吃雪糕。上了初中考得好,可以怎么樣?買腳踏車。上了高中考得好,可以怎么樣?可以談判,還可以挑,你是要MP3,還是要什么?他所有的動力都在這些東西上。所以為什么會有很多的父母被孩子趕出家去,因為他覺得他想要的東西你都應該滿足他。所以當這個要東西的風氣形成,孩子的欲望就一天一天在增長。欲是深淵,孩子從小欲望就打開,回不回得來?由儉入奢易,由奢入儉難。所以孩子要東西要習慣了,當有一天你不給他,他會怎么樣?我們也聽到很多孩子初中就動手打媽媽,不給錢就打。到那時候為人父母叫天天不應,叫地地不靈。所以這個輕諾當中就是太溺愛。

      有一個刑事案件,是一個年輕人小時候父親常給他很多錢,所以他花錢花習慣。后來年輕一個月都要花幾萬塊,一、二萬人民幣,花得很兇。他父親有一天受不了,他說:不給你錢了。還把他安排去當兵,當了兩年。兩年回來,習慣有沒有改?很難,確實那種愛慕虛榮、奢侈的習慣一染成,他只要進入那種情境,他就忍不住要打腫臉充胖子。所以后來當完兵也沒有什么改變,依然如故。他父親跟他劃清界限:我不再拿錢給你。結果這個孩子雇了殺手殺他父母。在他們家門口對那個雇來的殺手說,等一下有哪一個人長多高走出來,反正就把那個路線講得一清二楚。這個殺手就問他那個人是誰?他說是我爸爸。就這樣殺了他父親。然后因為錢的鑰匙在他母親手上,也把他母親殺了。所以殺父殺母現在已經不希奇了,原因在哪?重利輕義。這個“利”不斷提升就變成欲望,就變成主宰他行為的一個魔手,讓他想要跳出來都很困難。所以我們要謹慎,“事非宜,勿輕諾”,不能一直長養孩子的奢華。

      有一個小孩他看這些飯菜他就不高興,發脾氣不吃。那一般的母親會怎么樣?過來三勸四勸,還有可能說,你把它吃了,禮拜六我帶你去吃麥當勞。這么一講,孩子本來一口都不吃,馬上把它吞下去。因為當我們沒有原則,孩子對我們的底細就很清楚。他就知道他只要用什么情緒,大人就會就范、就會答應他。這種情況就麻煩。所以當這個小孩不吃飯,他父親也不出聲,繼續吃,太太就要過來勸兒子,先生很有教育敏感度,馬上用眼睛對他太太說:你退下,讓我來。當然沒有說話,所以夫妻有默契。

      教育孩子的原則一定要怎么樣?要一致。不然孩子一定躲到那個沒有原則的父親或母親的背后。所以等飯都吃完,他不肯吃,父親就說:來,把它收掉,統統收掉。兒子可能還在那里摀著嘴生氣,反正讓他自己去生氣。結果當天晚上因為沒吃晚餐,所以半夜餓到睡不著覺,起來干什么?翻冰箱吃東西,吃冷的都有。下次還敢不敢威脅?敢不敢要求?不敢。所以我們從之前幾天課程,有沒有深刻體會到教育慎于始,特別重要。不只小孩重要,所有大人的相處,你也是要讓他第一次就了解到公私的原則是什么?所以“教婦初來,教兒嬰孩”,是同樣的道理。媳婦剛來的時候,總不能到處撒野,也要了解到家里的整個情況,大家才會做好配合。     
     

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