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  • 弟子規夏令營 | 傳統文化公益論壇 | 中華經典 | 弟子規網 | 公益網

    當前位置: 主頁 > 釋疑解惑 > 釋疑解惑十 >

    為什么學習《弟子規》后無法提升自己反而與人

    時間:2012-05-19 20:21來源:中國弟子規網 作者:弟子規 點擊:
    劉余莉教授 落實《弟子規》,培養每一個人行有不得,反求諸己的責任意識,因為這個《弟子規》,我們打開它一看,只有一千零八十個字,三百六十句話,但是把我們一個人一生為人

    劉余莉教授

     
        落實《弟子規》,培養每一個人“行有不得,反求諸己”的責任意識,因為這個《弟子規》,我們打開它一看,只有一千零八十個字,三百六十句話,但是把我們一個人一生為人處世,待人接物的方方面面,都概括得淋漓盡致。但是很多人學了《弟子規》之后,不僅沒有使自己的生活有了提升,和自己的周圍人更加和諧,反而變得和周圍人格格不入了。因為什么?因為我們沒有學《弟子規》之前,不知道有那么多的道理,學了《弟子規》之后,都拿著《弟子規》的要求去衡量別人,很多人學了《弟子規》之后,都變成警察了。所以沒學《弟子規》之前,還和大眾能和睦相處,學了《弟子規》之后,反而和大眾格格不入了,原因在哪里?原因是我們沒有堅持“行有不得,反求諸己”的原則。這個原則是我們中國傳統文化最重要的一句心法。

        為什么古人講“行有不得,反求諸己”?我歸納了一下,不過是三個原因,那就是古人認識到“各自責,天清地寧;各相責,天翻地覆”。如果大家都是互相指責、互相挑剔、互相抱怨的話,這個世界就是天翻地覆;如果大家遇到問題,都是反省自己的不足,結果就是天清地寧。所以在《易經》上有兩個卦,一個卦叫泰卦,一個卦叫否卦,給了我們很大的啟示。這個泰卦的卦象,是坤上干下,在正常的情況下,干是在上的,它代表了天,坤是在下的,代表了地。但是在泰卦之中,它們兩個的位置卻調換了,是坤上干下,什么意思?就是說干能夠站在坤的位置上來反省自己做得不好,坤也能站在干的位置上反省自己的不足,這就是各自責,天清地寧。否卦,就是干在干的位置,坤在坤的位置,它們各自居在自己的本位來要求對方,這個就是“各相責,天翻地覆”。所以這個卦給了我們很大的啟發,什么啟發?當我們在人生中遇到和人的對立、沖突和誤解的時候,無一例外的原因,都是我們站在自己的角度來要求別人所導致的。我們沒有設身處地的站在對方的立場,為他著想,想想他的處境,所以矛盾、沖突、誤解由此就產生了。

        第二個原因,就是看別人不順眼,是自己的修養不夠。我們一開始看到這句話的時候,我就不能理解,我說他明明就是做錯了,他沒有道德,我看他不順眼,怎么我修養不夠?后來我們在聽《弟子規》細講的時候,聽到蔡老師講了一個故事,給了我們很大的啟發。他說有一個孩子,還沒有走上社會就做出了很多悖逆社會的行為,譬如說他看到有一個豪華的轎車在旁邊停著,他也不認識這個車子的主人,但是他就拿著刀子去劃兩道,然后再潑上點汽油,一把火就給它燒了。如果我們是這個車子的主人,我們的第一反應是什么?我們就是很生氣,覺得怎么會有人做出這樣損人又不利己的事情?但是中國人有一句話說,論人之非,當論其心,我們看到這個錯誤的行為的時候,一定要去考察導致這個錯誤行為的原因。我們調查一番才發現,原來這個孩子早年父母離異,沒有接受良好的道德教育,更沒有接受《弟子規》的學習。他的父母對他沒有關愛,他感受不到這個社會的愛,他從小對人是冷漠、是敵意、是懷疑、是不信任,所以才會做出這樣悖逆社會的行為。那我們想一想,我們自己是怎么對待自己的兒女?我們對自己的兒女是百般的呵護,萬般的教育,對他是無微不至,那這些孩子相對于我們的孩子是不是很可憐?所以可恨之人必有可憐之處。我們這種心提起來了,我們再看他,就不是懷恨、就不是對立了,而是同情他、幫助他、提升他。所以說看別人不順眼,確實是自己的修養不夠。

        最后,我們學了《弟子規》、學了傳統文化,別人沒有受到我們的感動,那是因為我們的德未修,感未至所導致的。在《中庸》上,在稱贊舜王的時候,說了這樣一句話,他說“大德必得其位,必得其祿,必得其名,必得其壽”。真正有德行的人,就像大舜那樣,他的后母,他的兄弟,他的父親,三番五次的要置他于死地,他不僅沒有懷恨在心,反而總是反省自己的不足,最后他的德行感化了堯帝、感化了天下人,也感化了他的父母。所以《中庸》稱贊舜的時候說,真正有德行的人是“必得其位,必得其祿,必得其名,必得其壽”。那現在我們反觀自己,我們周圍有像大舜的后母,像他的父親,像他的弟弟那樣,想三番五次的置我們于死地的人嗎?我們想一想,可能很少很少。但是為什么我們連周圍的人都不能感動?原因就是我們自己的德行不夠,所以沒有真誠心感化別人。所以中國人有一句話叫“至誠感通”,我們沒有至誠心,所以感動不了別人。所以我們看別人做得不好,我們還是要反省自己,我們沒有能夠感動別人。所以“行有不得,反求諸己”是我們學習傳統文化的一句重要的教誨。
     

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